La Tarantula

In my dreams, resistance
breaks up
into miserable robberies
and unforeseen killings,
dead on
I cradle hilarious laughter
in soft flabby arms
like a mother holding her infant.
My life depends on this

When a big black spider
perhaps a tarantula
crawls under my blanket
I slash its hairy legs
with a machete
too many times
until my love pulls me towards him
and quiets my fear.
My life depends on this

The spider never knew resistance
It never knew what bad dreams
can make a woman do.

The next morning
I awaken with a dry poisonous throat
The all-legs-shriveled up spider,
La Tarantula,
lies on my pillow,
like a worn-out mandolin,
a pear shape, with a
severely damaged fretted neck.

La Tarantula had smoothed pine beams
tree sap, tiny amber nuggets
frozen in time.
in search of her mate.
My warm body obliterated her
in the middle of the night.

I rest with La Tarantula
my eyes wide open, vigilant,
her filaments, drying like angel dust,
detach deliberately from my sins
until there is no trace, no shadow
My life depends on this.

Flying Stones

Flying Stones, oil painting

Flying Stones, oil painting

Propelled into sky
tumbling at lightening speed
towards my body
lying in tall green grass
maroon dirt rivulets
my face unrecognizably
fierce, against flying rocks,
stone sculptures
carved of antiquity, undone
I hide in a crevice
of a deep gulley.

For days I lie there
waiting, wanting, wavering
between two worlds
lost and untethered
until I reach out, hands first
then my arms, one by one
the stones fly over me
they never even touch me
they do not break me into pieces
even though they are out of line
and not in their common place
they thunder along without me
I am still here, alone
without brothers, without sisters
no mother, no father
in a foreign land.

2014-08-01 00.46.04

Ayudame, Help Me Help You

She came down the steep cliff
crumbling dirt and rock steps
from uneven rock to uneven rock
twisted in grey dusty shoes

She was mud brown, thickly creased
A purple skirt, a knitted sweater
And the white, indigenous hat.
Her body bent into her step
retracing, grabbing for grasses.
Her right arm flailed, tottering,
sliding, sitting, missing her feet.

Oh my god, Daniel said
as we waited for the red light to change
Oh my god, I have to help, I said.

We were in the middle of a bad curve.
Our car could be hit
at any moment by an errand truck
barreling fumes and blowing
dust in and out of potholes

I was in the middle of pushing numbers
on the iphone for saldo, for dolares
but dropped it on the car floor
Later we could not remember
what happened to it.

I impulsively ran up the cliff path
and said to her, ayudame, help me
and I knew I said it all wrong
Her eyes nearly stopped me.

Who are you? Una gringa bruja angel?
I reached for her hand, she smelled
strong of old body oils and cheese
strong of old organs knitted in place.

Oh no puedo, no puedo, she said
as she poked her walking stick
in the unyielding ground for life support
No puedo, no puedo.

I gently pulled her down towards me
and wondered how much she weighed
If she fell on me, I am little,
we would both fall
towards the busy road below
where cars and trucks crossed
into our corners of safety.

My hand was wrapped around hers
into an inescapable knot
I considered briefly
I might be bruising her hand.
Perhaps in her mind
I was forcing her down the path

She mumbled, “morir”, and prayers
perhaps Seven Holy Mary’s
but I heard only three
as we worked our way
to the edge of the road
where she disentangled my hand
straightened herself up.

A thank you smile worth
an ocean of rushing words
spilled over me.
Had I helped enough
or too much?

Ayudame, I knew I said it all wrong.

When I left her
she was still poised on the cliff side
close to the road
She probably had done
this a million times.

Ayudame. help me help you.

The Old Woman Who Ran

 

She scared the daylights out of me
we were driving 90 Kilometers
on the autopista from Cuenca to Paute
Her skinny legs spread
her bare uterus forward
shrunken in oldness
into the furthest lane
just like my 95 year old mother-in- law
Patricia
bony, not seeing, blind

I watched the old woman as she leaped
across three lanes
my love and I were a la izguierda
in our red Peugeot 206
close to the metal divider
She never looked up
until the last minute
her and our minute lasted forever
her death timed across the highway
disintegrated into wrinkled lips and eyes

I saw her flying in front of my eyes
red skirt spread apart, skinny legs towards the sky
a puppet, an illusion
Her face in the windshield
was too close.

I screamed NO, NO, NO
just as my love turned the wheel a la derecho
missing her, missing her by a heart beat
a split second in two
My love would have been a murderer
in jail, so close
but he saved her, me and himself
avoiding his mother, all mothers

The woman who ran
was blessed by Jesus El Poder
the One who roams Ecuadorian roads,
protects giant trucks, local blue buses
daily life in every Andes village
and Us.

Sometimes Poetry is Asleep

That is when I go a slight bit insane
Even though I remember
Somewhere deep inside
Where images fly from left to right,
Down and under, in cunning  twists
All winging, as if they are foreign birds
Taking on extreme heights.
I know I cannot fly like that
But at the same time, I can fly
Somewhere inside, where
For the moment poetry is asleep.
It is like frothy milk oozing in a full udder
Of a mama cow,
Her bright pink skin bulbous
Waiting to be suckled again|
Waiting for that moment of release.
My question is: When can I bless the sky?
The mountains, trees, turkeys,
And the chickens, who in turn
Taught the turkeys how to peck
For food, for soul, for wellbeing.
Sometimes poetry is fast asleep.
Sometimes poetry is already there.

Los Dos Dios Toros of the Cloud Forest

(The Two Godlike Bulls of the Cloud Forest)

Yoked together for hours, perhaps days
Los Dos Dios Toros stand stock-still,
Dark brown, solid, omnipotent,
Fastened to each other
With wooden yoke and abandoned plow.
They wait for a human
To steer them through difficult soil
It does not occur to them they can till
The remainder of the field
Of their own accord.

I watch them for hours, staring
As sweet mists roll, in and out of
The Cloud Forest of Rumi Nuñurco
Barely noticeable, the toros pull on each other,
When they feel like it
The one on the left, the one I favor
Is in charge, maybe
No, the right one is heaving
A minuscule exhalation, infinitesimal.

In the drizzly balmy air
The left one lowers his massive head
Into the sepia black dirt, intoxicated,
He smells the uneaten hairy
Spiders and finger thick worms
Breathe their way up to the cloudy peak
Where waxy wine red
Bromeliads, suspended off rocks
Drink the high mountain air
In religious reverie.

I forget to watch
When the Dual Crowned Toros,
Step out of serfdom
And turn a quarter of a turn
A Los Dos Dios Toros turn,
So swiftly, I forget to watch
When for a moment
They touch hidden tufts
Of glorious green grass
I had not noticed before.

A Bowl of Soup and a Pure Heart

“Go on; don’t only practice your art, but force your way into its secrets, art deserves that, for it and knowledge can raise men to the Divine.” 

― Ludwig van Beethoven

When I ask the woman at the Paute Domingo Mercado if her tomatoes were sprayed with “quimicos”, she promptly jams her thumb nail into one of the tomatoes.  “No”, she shakes her head and wags her finger sideways. The red juice and seeds spurt out over the ground in front of my feet. The tomato looks delicious.  She has hundreds of tomatoes and gives me a large black plastic bag full for fifty cents, tomatoes spilling out over the top.

I buy a huge bouquet of cedron, citrus branches, from a very old woman, wrinkled and shrunken with the most beautiful liquid eyes.  I put the cedron to my nose, inhale deeply and let out a delicious whooshing sound. She nods approvingly as I tuck the quarter in her extended gnarly hand. Her hand or perhaps her cedron touches a soft spot. I linger on the feeling.

Back in my open air kitchen of screen windows, where it can get as cold as 40 degrees in the winter time (for the Ecuadorian Andes that is cold), the sun has warmed up the glass roof above my head. I am cleaning out the refrigerator before putting in all the fresh vegetables I just bought. The vegetables are all over my kitchen counter as well as on the little round table in and around the geraniums and fuchsias I am growing.

My round table collage looks stunning with deep red small tomatoes, red and black clay bowls, my perfect deep purple eggplant on top of some old potatoes, shrunken yams, lemons from my garden, and long green bell peppers, all nestled into a woven straw basket.  The hot peppers, green and red, some fresh, some shriveled, are displayed in a narrow blue tray with delicately hand-painted flowers. Another basket holds the garlic bulbs with their dried yellow stems still attached and large pieces of fresh ginger.  Mixed in there is a Jamaica, dry now and dark red, almost black.  “This Jamaica flower makes tea good “por los riñónes”, the woman told me at the market.  She had shown me where the kidneys were, placing her dirt stained hands behind her back and rubbing her kidneys.

The idea of kidneys has taken a hold of me and I check the freezer to see if I still have a cow bone I can boil up into a bone marrow soup with the left over vegetables. Bone marrow is especially good for the kidneys.

Auguste Escoffier, the legendary French chef of the late 1800s advised any gourmet chef worth his salt to boil the bone for at least 7 hours.  This is where my impatience comes in, “ah certainly, 2 hours is enough, see, I can spoon the yellow gloppy bone marrow right out of the two cavities of the bone. It floats in the soup.  I decide to wait more, see what happens. I repeatedly check the soup to see if the broth has boiled down. Every half hour or so there is only an inch of liquid with distinct glistening rounds of fat and I have to add water. My modest Mabe Andes stove has its own rules about fires, nothing too subtle please, simmering is not part of her vocabulary.  I turn the burner off for a while and let it sit, cool off.

While tending my soup I am listening to classical music streaming from the Internet, but when the music unexpectedly changes its tempo I become hyper and am ready to give up on the broth, not good.  This soup takes patience, practice, concentrated effort.  I am six hours into it now…the fire under my soup is back on. I feel ready for a nap, I reach for the timer, but then scold myself that I have to bring focus to this mundane task, if I want this soup to be as delicious as I want it to be.  No timer.  Just stretch my legs on the bed for a little bit, keep my eyes open and nose ready.

At last my broth is done, I pour the contents through a colander, pick out the bone, toss the bone to the Weimaraner dog Bennie, who has come over to check out the smells in my kitchen. He is a big sloppy dog and one side of his lip hangs loosely over the bone in his mouth as he comes over to thank me, nudging his slime on my sleeve.  I squeeze out the vegetables to get their flavors into the soup. Later I learn I should not have done that if I had wanted a clear broth. Too late. I sift the broth one more time through a cheese cloth to catch most of the fat.  The broth is not clear, not totally pure, but tastes very good.  Next time when I make a clarified broth, no vegetables with the bones, and simmering heat only, lest too many impurities are released.  I may have to become more seasoned in the practice of patience or perhaps buy a new stove that can simmer.

“Fine, I can try putting in three egg whites and crumpled egg shells, perhaps they will absorb the impurities and fat.”  But I only have four eggs and I am not willing to give up my scrambled eggs for the morning.  “I can spare one.” As I stir in the egg white and shell, I can readily see that one egg is not enough, although the soup does look less cloudy.

At last I sit down with a fine glass of Chilean white wine, Sauvignon Blanc mixed with Semillon. On the deep blue woven table cloth, sits my bowl of soup. One sip of wine, rest, I carefully taste the soup, once, twice, delicious, DIVINE! I have done it! I made a divine soup with a nearly pure heart.

I can feel my pride sitting on top of my heart as I take another sip. I am vaguely aware this something extra does not sit so well.  I am a bit puffed up.  I recall what a Zen Buddhist Master Suzuki Roshi once said during the hay days of the late 60s in San Francisco: “if you see the Master coming, run the other way!

After a long day in the kitchen, in the early hours of the evening, the mountains turn into a misty fairy land as they do almost every night. I want to describe it as a Chinese watercolor painting, but that would give those mountains that puffed up “extra” they do not need. The lights down the Uzhupud valley heading towards Cuenca reflect a jewel box sliding lengthwise over the dark earth.

La Danza de Vaca Loca

When the vaca loca arrives at the fiesta
In paper mache, hollow bamboo horns
Filled with wrapped gunpowder
Black and white belly extended
Tailed by a bass drum,
A brass wind instrument and a flute
The old woman can not resist
Lifting la vaca loca over her head.

Her tongue clicking inside sunken mouth
Hollow in the cow’s belly
She skips wildly into the night air.
Firecrackers, spit from her horned head,
Flames, grab plumes of pampas grass
Light up the sky
Blinding her in and out of dark shadows
Where she succumbs, kneels under,
Her dance over she is nothing
More than a ghost of the night

The vaca loca, a black and white carcass,
Left on damp grass
Slowly relinquishes her red scarf
Swaying, switching, stretching
The fibers wrap her tightly until
Shrouded, she rests
Out of reach of the crazy cow.

Nubes de los Andes (Spanish translation)

(Traducción en Español de Sara Vanégas Coveña)

Ella no es una campesina sabia
Que cuente historias llenas de sabiduría
Y asombre a sus vecinos
Con intuiciones y mágicos hechizos

Pero conoce una nube buena
Cuando mira una, extraordinaria
En un cielo común y corriente
Una mancha oscura de insectos
Agitándose en un ámbar orgánico
Atrapada en un estrecho abrazo
Mientras el sol se pone
En esta tranquila tarde dominguera
Ella bebe vino tinto de Chile,
Doña Dominga

A la mañana siguiente, cuando el cielo está claro
No quiere salir de la cama
Lee un libro sobre carreras de caballos
Con apuestas, ambiciones y rotura de pezuñas
Lo que la desanima
Hasta que unas sencillas nubes grises
Escapan dentro de la curva perfecta
De una larga hoja de eucalipto
Como cortadas con tijeras de fina seda

Entonces abandona su languidez
Ya fuera del letargo extiende los brazos
Hacia el cielo y descubre una casa
Al filo de las nubes
Se maravilla con lo que podría ser
Vivir envuelta en sus sueños de cielo y nubes

Ella no es una campesina sabia
Que cuente historias llenas de sabiduría
Y asombre a sus vecinos
Con intuiciones y mágicos hechizos

(for English version see below Los Andes Nubes)

 

Clouds of Glazed Orange Marmalade

Elongated hands and fingers
extend into clouds
of glazed orange marmalade;
upper draft winds metamorphose cumuli
into long necked alpacas gliding
towards mountains near dark,
until their silhouettes vaporize;
no sound comes forth, only the scent of the night.

Clouds, shadows of mountains,
inhale cold curves and edges of heat
rising from ridges and valleys
oscillate into high cirrus clouds;
pure white tufts of mare’s tails,
curly ringlets stolen from young girls
licking ice crystals, playing hopscotch
spurred on by the wind.

In a small village, called Dug Dug
locals pray for rain
carrying a blue statue of Guadalupe
towards the mists of Mount Ñuñurco
their sturdy, squat bodies
weary of straining and failing crops
sing a lilting song joined by rockets
a shrill cry invoking far away clouds.

That night a cumulonimbus, a thunder cloud,
cracks the sky wide open.
I duck down, breathe carefully, count until ten
stretch my limbs toe to toe
and listen to the hard rain crash on my roof.

Clouds, such a common name,
they remind me of freshly laundered
white sheets, oblivious, that they too
were soiled and creamy
before scrubbed and washed.